Hold Me
by d-christen
Summary: Peeta's thoughts at the end of book one. Lame title, I agree, but come on, the story's awesome!


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

This is how I think Peeta must've been thinking at the end of The Hunger Games. I hope you guys enjoy!

* * *

"What's wrong?" I ask, scrunching my eyebrows at the sight of Katniss' pained expression.

"Nothing," she says.

I kept walking, but my thoughts were trailed elsewhere. She's hiding something from me. I just know it.

I look behind to see Haymitch walking quickly towards us. He nods silently at me then lays a hand on Katniss' shoulder, making her jump.

"Great job, you two. Just keep it up in the district until the cameras are gone. We should be okay," he says.

I let my eyes trail over to Katniss', but she just doesn't want to seem to look at me. What was Haymitch talking about? They both know something that I don't.

"What's he mean?" I ask, thinking over and over in my head, _don't lie._

"It's the Capitol. They didn't like our stunt with the berries," she said, swallowing hard. She was still avoiding my eyes. I kept mine still in contact with the milk chocolate colored ones, not wanting to miss out on anything.

"What? What are you talking about?" I say, trying my best not to raise my voice to a shout. What's she mean?

"It seemed to rebellious. So, Haymitch has been coaching me through the last few days. So I didn't make it worse." _Coaching her? _What about me? I thought we were in this together!

"Couching you? But not me!" I say.

"He knew you were smart enough to get it right," she whispered.

_Great. _They overestimate me, and now I'm left hanging.

"I didn't know there was anything to get right. So, what you're saying is, these last few days and then I guess... back in the arena... that was just some strategy you two worked out." I couldn't believe what I was saying. It sounded so hurtful, so tragic. I couldn't believe that it was real.

"No. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him in the arena, could I?"

I didn't miss Katniss' hesitancy.

"But you knew what he wanted you to do, didn't you?" I let go of her hand, hating the feeling of my heart thumping painfully harder in my chest. "Katniss?"

She steps away from me, as if scared. No, I wanted to say to her. Don't leave me. But I just couldn't.

"It was all for the Games," I say, realizing something now. "how you acted."

"Not all of it," she says, looking down on the ground sheepishly and twisting her flowers in between her fingers.

"Then how much?" I say, my voice lowering in sadness and anger combined. "No, forget that. I guess the real question is what's going to be left when we get home."

"I don't know," she says. "The closer we get to District Twelve, the more confused I get."

I swallowed hard, biting my lip as if to block out the pain in my chest.

"Well, let me know when you work it out."

I close my eyes and sigh. Then I open them again and walk away from her.

So it was all just a trick. A lie. An act.

I'd thought that if we'd kept up this act for a long period of time, she'd realize that she'd actually fallen for me. It's not like I was kidding about me liking her since I was five. Because I wasn't. But her... all she did, all an act. I couldn't help but feel numb inside as realization spread through me. She had never loved me. She never would.

I know I wasn't being fair, but who cares? I don't feel like talking to her and she doesn't feel like talking to me.

But through all that time... she never felt a _thing _for me? I wanted to reach out to her as I stepped onto the train, ask her what that another boy (oh, I knew there was another boy, alright) had that I didn't. I felt my eyes sting with tears, but I reassured myself: Peeta Mellark does not cry.

I have feelings for her, she doesn't have them back. I swallowed hard as I closed the door to my room, shutting out everyone else.

I sit down on the bed and put my face in my hands.

I shouldn't be shutting out everyone like this. Perhaps they can help me.

But then I remembered that it was Katniss out there, and she couldn't help me, for she was what was causing me this distress.

Why doesn't she feel for me like I do for her? All those kisses... those kisses! I repeated in my head. Those hundreds of countless kisses that we shared... it was all just... a _trick? _She did that for the _audience _when I did that because I _loved her?_

I lay down on the bed and fell asleep quickly.

* * *

I stand up and realize that we are pulling into District Twelve. Had I really been asleep that long? Probably due to depression.

I shook my head of thought and walked out of the room.

At that exact moment, Katniss poked her pretty head out of her room. I nodded, thinking that I should play it nice, hurting though I was inside.

She smiled slightly back, and I knew she was hurting as well.

I walked out of my room and held out my hand.

"One more time? For the audience?" I say.

She realizes the sadness in my voice, but nods. She takes my hand and together we prepare for the cameras.


End file.
